January 20, 2025 — Washington, D.C. — Politics
In a turn of events that surprised almost everyone—except perhaps your grandmother—President Joe Biden has completed his entire term without any sudden disappearances, dramatic exits, or transformations into vegetables.
As dignitaries gathered for the peaceful transition of power, observers rubbed their eyes in disbelief, watching Biden, sporting his iconic aviator sunglasses and an energy best described as “still going,” wrap up four drama-free years. Yes, it really happened—four entire years without any unexpected apocalyptic events—much to the chagrin of those who were hoping for a new doomsday scenario to spice things up.
While some media outlets had placed bets on the likelihood of chaos, predicting scenes worthy of a daytime TV spectacle, spoiler alert: they were disappointed. Rather than descending into chaos, Biden’s term played out more like an extended performance of interpretive dance with Congress—though less graceful and more filled with strategic pauses.
During his final address to the nation, Biden opted for humor over mystery. “I arrived, I engaged, and I might have baffled a few, but here we are,” he remarked, to a chorus of laughter. His demeanor was light-hearted, yet carried the weight of a seasoned leader who spent four years explaining infrastructure plans that nobody asked for.
This may very well become a fun fact for school projects: how one politician completed a term without stirring a reality show fracas. Sure, there were a few hiccups—a couple of tedious meetings that felt like watching paint dry and those pesky PowerPoints that just kept going—but nothing headline-grabbing.
As the press finally left the scene, perhaps slightly wistful for the drama that never was, it’s been confirmed: sometimes the grandest narrative is the absence of one. And so, America basks in the glow of a fully intact presidency and the comfort of predictability.
Who could have guessed that the real thriller would be business as usual? Now, let’s all huddle with our popcorn and tune in for whatever political plot twists the future holds. Until then, remembering that the greatest twist of them all is simply letting things be mundanely smooth.
