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November 5, 2024 — Washington, D.C. — Politics In a shocking yet oddly unsurprising turn of events, Donald J. Trump has once again defied skeptics by winning the 2024 U.S. Presidential Election. News outlets, ranging from the reliable to the ridiculous, joined forces to proclaim his victory—each wondering if they were part of a bizarre, cross-corporate prank. As the nation simultaneously sighed and clicked 'Next Episode,' life rolled on. Wasting zero time basking in triumph, Trump shot a winning smile to his followers—whether genuine or just a rehearsal for his next Tax Day photo op remains unclear. "They said it couldn’t be done! Well, here we are again!" he boomed, presumably echoing the sentiments of his golf cart GPS. Adorned…

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January 23, 2022
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