Republicans win in Nebraska? Shocking! Join us as we plow through the corny details of this predictable political phenomenon.
Year: 2024
Trump Scores Big with Non-College Voters in 2024: Experts Yawn
In a twist that shocked absolutely no one, Donald Trump wooed the non-college crowd yet again, proving you don’t need a degree to be a fan of flashy real estate and Twitter wisdom.
Democrats Wipe Foreheads as New Mexico Stays Blue in 2024, Leaving Republicans Seeing Red
In a dazzling display of predictability, New Mexico has chosen to keep donning its blue beret in the 2024 Presidential Election, much to the delight of Democrats who celebrated like they’d just found out their salsa was secretly guacamole.
Kamala Harris Claims Monumental Vermont Win: Margin Shockingly Requires New Zip Code
In a win so large it could stand up and wave, Kamala Harris baffles Vermont voters and mathematicians alike with an unthinkable margin of victory that’s wreaking havoc on calculators everywhere.
FTX Misses 2024 Payout Deadline, Leaving Investors Playing a Comedic Waiting Game
FTX’s payout promises have expired faster than a bodega milk carton, leaving investors with nothing but unfulfilled dreams and a funny yet futile hope for refunds.
Kamala Harris Sweeps New York with Double-Digit Victory, Leaving Opponents in Existential Dread
Kamala Harris trumps the competition in New York, leaving rivals questioning their life choices while voters relish democracy like a Black Friday sale.
Israel and Hezbollah Hit Pause on Conflict: Ceasefire Kicks Off a New Year of Surprises
In the most epic truce since toddlers agreed to share, Israel and Hezbollah have startlingly agreed to stop their missile ping-pong game in favor of diplomacy. Yes, peace is the new black this New Year!
North Carolina Reaffirms Its Republican Roots: An Unpredictably Predictable Victory
North Carolina snugly wraps itself in a familiar red blanket, as voters opt for nostalgia over novelty in the 2024 election. And no, this isn’t déjà vu—just history repeating itself with a knowing nod.
Solana Soars Past $170: Crypto Enthusiasts Celebrate with Hope…and Cupcakes
In a twist worthy of a Shakespearean comedy, Solana shot past $170, and crypto investors celebrated with cautious optimism and cupcakes… maybe more cupcakes.
Texas Stays True to the Right: Republicans Keep Claim to the Lone Star State
In a tale as old as cowboy boots, Texas once again swung Republican, leaving Democrats wondering if there’s enough brisket to cure electoral blues.